You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
