You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
