bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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