It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
