Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
