So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
