Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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