Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
