I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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