Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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