Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
