you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
