we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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