This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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