Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
