i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
