So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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