somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
