Apparently you make a good broom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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