he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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