Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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