This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
