I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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