Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she pinky promised me she was 18
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
