Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
