last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
