sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
