Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A+ Viking dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
