he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
