all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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