So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
