Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
