Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
