I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
