I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
