like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
