drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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