You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize