Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
as a side note pls kill me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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