Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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