I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
