i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
