I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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