yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
