Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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