Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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