I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
