Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
