Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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