I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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