I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
