You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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