Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize