If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize