Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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