peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
