all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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