I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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