seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
