we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
