she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
