I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
