I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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