I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
