If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had sex on a dog bed..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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