Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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