I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
