dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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