What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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