I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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