the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
