Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
