i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
