Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
