I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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